Acceptance

I think that I have finally reached a conclusion to my writer's block. I hope that I have learned a lesson from my difficulties. 


I didn't want to write because I was bored of writing of the same thing. My problem was that I was not willing to open up more. There's only so much you can write without going to to the next level, breaking your boundaries again. Each time you break your boundaries for how much you can open up you are gifted with more to write about. If you are not willing to keep moving forward than you will tire of writing about your current plateau. 


How can you be willing to open up more? By accepting who your are. If you accept yourself, believe that you have nothing to hide, than it will not be difficult to share your deepest secrets.


There is no right and wrong. There is only keeping on moving forward, keeping on writing, or stopping. Giving up.


Today at the temple I got to watch the film "Women of Bhakti"


I came in at the end. I was there for the last ten minutes of interviews. One stuck out. To tell the truth, it annoyed me. 


There's a certain type of love that is only for god. A selfless love and a whole love and a fully giving yourself love thats only for god. And I mistook that love as being appropriate for men. I lost personal boundaries. And I think a lot of women do that, they love so wholly and so fully in a relationship that they could even lose themselves. And I've lost myself in a relationship, and have come to understand that that selfless love is precious and is only for god. Not that I can't express deep and profound love for other living beings, which I do feel that I have and I do express. But there's a certain love that's only for God, and can only be truly reciprocated by God.


I couldn't remember the quote, so I had to look it up later. What stuck with me is that if you give yourself in your entirety to a man [and obviously a women, though she never mentioned that side of the ball game], than you will be heartbroken because the only person that can fully reciprocate is God.


Wait, so if one person can give themselves so fully that they "lose themselves," whats to say the the other can't? 


Vedic philosophy states that the only real masculine (purusa) is God, Krishna. Before him everyone is feminine (prakriti). So because the man is not in his natural position and the woman is, women can love wholly and men can't? 


Why do I always get ticked off by valid points that I can't argue against? Some of us haven't been married yet, and would like to think that there is such a thing as true love. This notion may not work out so well in practice, but not believing in the possibility makes sure that it cannot work out. 


This is where acceptance comes in. Life sucks 100% of the time that you don't accept that it is the best it can be. You have to accept yourself in order to write, in spite of those that will call you immature or wrong. And you have to accept that there is still reason to try. There is still reason to do your best - maybe even do better than anyone before you. There is still reason even though you will never be perfect.


I will never be perfect.


Accept the truth and change the lies. If you can't change it accept it, if you can't accept it change it.